I am satisfied with what I have, and have enough to share.
I do not need any more to be a complete human being.
I’ve been rereading “A Life Less Throwaway,” and to be honest I’m not sure when I last read it. Probably a few years back when I was going through my minimalism phase and Marie Kondo-ing all the things in my home. I’m definitely not a minimalist, but some of the ideas have carried forward. I’m more of an “enoughist” at this point. I have enough. Enough for me, enough to share, and enough to last a long time.
Capitalism and “the economy” pressure us to constantly consume on a consistent basis; advertising is insidious and installs in us a sense of lack or longing, promising that we’ll feel complete if we purchase a product. Now, before I start sounding too pompous, or like I have an “objective” perspective (we each have our own unique experiences and subjective views of the world), I am definitely not immune. I like pretty things, I like functional things, and I like to make things. There are things in my closet that are there largely because I saw people on Instagram wearing them, and there’s lots of things that I’ve acquired then passed along because they weren’t the right fit for my life.
In an effort to start seeing advertising for what it is (because I’m not going to become a hermit), I try to acknowledge it and say, “thanks, but no thanks.”
Finding ways to respond to stress or a bad day that isn’t shopping is a useful trick. Find that dopamine hit with some journaling, talking to a friend, or incorporate some movement into your day. When we can pause and find other ways to self-soothe, it’s ultimately easier on us both mentally and financially.
When I do want to purchase something, I try to remind myself that the cost of an item is more than just the money for it: it is the hours of my life that I have traded for said item. Each thing I bring into my home then becomes something I am responsible for, and will spend time in my life taking care of. When they are things I’ve carefully considered, using them and taking care of them can be a satisfying experience.
Be materialist: use the things you have. Enjoy them. Drink the fancy tea, wear your fancy clothes, and don’t save things for a “special occasion.” You are the special occasion.
Take care of your things: repair the hole in that sweater, learn how to darn a sock, season a cast iron pan, or grease your bike chain. Things last longer when we take care of them and learn to repair them as needed. It’s also incredibly satisfying to be able to fix something, no matter how small.
Keep things out of the waste stream (The Story of Stuff has great information on the life cycle of things from resource extraction to disposal). We all know that planned obsolescence is a real thing. Lots of the stuff that’s manufactured is made with a short lifespan in mind, or advertising convinces us it isn’t the “fashionable” thing anymore (this goes for anything from clothing, to cars, to housewares). Often, the most eco-friendly option is to use what you already have. Finding local secondhand sources for items, or participating in local Buy Nothing groups, are other great ways to keep items out of the landfill and in circulation.
Finally, things can be enjoyable, useful, or even increase our quality of life, but they are not what is ultimately important. Finding or creating our own meaning, connecting with others, and continuing to learn and grow as people are all much more important. Use things, love people, and not the other way around.
During the pandemic, I’ve started to teach myself to sew using some basic sewing patterns (the All Well Box Top, Hinterland Dress*, and Dress No. 1 are great places to start).
I enjoy figuring out how things are put together and how they work, and learning to sew some of my own clothes has been a fun foray into learning about fabric sourcing and production (thinking about the entire process of bringing a garment to fruition, from growing the plants for the source material to how far the finished fabric travels, to saving scraps to make things out of later). It’s also incredibly satisfying to see what shapes comprise a finished garment (fabric puzzle), and the actual making time gives a whole new perspective on clothing production (sewing something with care takes time).
As anyone who spends any length of time around me knows, at this point in my life, I mostly wear linen dresses** and will talk about how much I like wearing dresses at length, given the opportunity. They’re comfy, they can look fancy, and once you figure out some outfit formulas dressing is very easy. Linen is one of my favorite fabrics – easy to take care of, anti-microbial, relatively sustainable (as far as the process for growing the flax plant), biodegradable, breathable and comfy. I also enjoy knitting, but this post is about sewing. Specifically, a dress idea I’ve had rattling around in my head for a bit.
Chartreuse seems to be having a moment (or perhaps, it’s a color that has always been having a moment), especially in certain slow fashion circles. Once in a while I encounter a garment idea that gets stuck in my head – if it stays there for a while, it has potential as a project I’ll enjoy. I came across the lovely voluminous dress and was inspired to make a similar dress (if I had the funds/this dress were still available in my size, I would choose to support the maker, but sometimes you just make yourself a fun, at-home version).
Using the All Well Box Top as a base, I traced a new pattern: widening and cropping the bodice (using the ruffle dress modification length), extended the sleeves a tad, and lessened the angle of the shoulder slope. The front and back neckline stayed the same. Beforehand, I did some math and figured out how much ease I wanted to aim for in the bust and hips (about 10″ and 20″ respectively), then using the fabric I had cut out pieces for a shorter version, that would end about the same place on my 5 ft 3 self. Of course, I also cut out pockets (using the skirt/pockets from the Hinterland Dress pattern), because no dress is complete without them. This all sounds complicated, but for the most part I just eyeball things, then measure twice before making any cuts. I did make a bodice pattern on tracing paper and write out the general dimensions for the skirt portion to save in case this is a pattern I want to repeat.
Because inspiration seems to strike at night lately, I started cutting out the pieces for the dress around 8:00pm on a Thursday. I stopped myself from making micro scissor adjustments to the pockets – everything else turned out pretty neat, and the pockets were close enough (and will be on the interior anyway). Also I knew if I kept making little adjustments, I’d be more likely to end up with something wonky. Sometimes close enough is good enough.
Pieces cut out.
The actual sewing of the dress was spaced out over a few days. I have a rule for myself that I don’t sew when I’m tired (with very good reason, I’ll make more mistakes and spend more time unpicking things). Sewing is also a good practice in letting go of perfectionism – I tend to sew like I cook, which is once I know the recipe, winging it a little bit. The first day of sewing, I did the bodice, then the skirt and pockets the second day, along with the gathers, and finally hemmed it on the 3rd day.
The hem isn’t perfectly straight (it’s pretty darn close, and a smaller hem is more forgiving visually), and there are a couple little bit wonky thread spots in the dress. Since I don’t have a serger, I use the zig-zag stitch to finish the inside seams. If I did it again, I’d have the pockets 3″ below the waistline instead of 4″, I moved them down further because of the cropped bodice but the hang of the dress has them a tad lower than I prefer.
Despite these things, I’m pretty proud of this dress, and I think it will get plenty of wear. It will be the third dress in my closet that I’ve made (I’ve made more than that but have given them away as gifts or otherwise rehomed them). The color is a little outside of my comfort zone but I think that’s a good thing.
The dress!
Aaaaand several days later, I went back and changed the pocket position on this dress, because I can’t leave well enough alone. Despite pinning in place and trying things on, 4″ down from the waist to top of the pocket ended up sitting way too low, especially with keys and lip balm in the pockets. So, I went and spent about half an hour unpicking (at least I know I sewed the pockets on securely) then a couple hours moving them up (pinning, ironing, testing position because I’d rather not repeat this process) to 1.5″ below the waistline. Ultimately a vast improvement, though I did it without looking up instructions on moving pockets (I figured I know how the garment skirt was put together, so just undo and redo the pocket attaching and re-sew up that section, right?). The first pocket ended up being a headache when trying to sew up the side near the gathers, so made a couple attempts at hand stitching that section before getting something I was satisfied with. I’ve started using a headlamp when handstitching so that I can see my work better/not strain my eyes. The second pocket was just fine because I knew what I needed to do – place a pin at the 1″ mark to keep the thread from unraveling further. Needless to stay I stabbed myself a few times (so the dress ultimately had some blood, probably a little sweat, and no tears but a little cursing) woven into it.
Despite the pocket setback, if you’re someone who’s thought of trying to make your own clothes, I would definitely recommend it. It can be a good challenge and a very useful skill. I constantly learn new things about sewing, and having something to show for your time and effort is quite rewarding, especially when it’s a wearable garment.
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*I will admit, I still need to learn how to sew a buttonhole (I’m not sure if my sewing machine has a buttonhole setting). I’ve read tutorials and watched some how-to videos, but that’s one small sewing hurdle I haven’t tackled yet. For now, I’m quite happy making button-less styles of dresses. For the Hinterland Dress, simply put the middle of the bodice pattern on the fold of the fabric (similar to cutting out the back piece). I also prefer a different bias binding technique for the neckline/armholes than is described in the pattern.
**Or linen skirt/top combos. Regardless, part of my low/no buy for clothes for the year is that I can make my own clothes, especially if I already have the fabric. I’m also not going to stop myself from buying fabric on occasion if there’s an idea that gets really stuck in my head.
My brain likes to do this little thing where it asks, “well what did we do today?” even on days when I get lots of stuff done. Like my time isn’t valuable unless I spend it doing some unspecified but extremely productive tasks.
My brain also likes to do this thing where I am not allowed to share something unless I’ve gone over it 20 times with a fine-toothed comb and it is perfect because I dare not share something that isn’t polished for fear of… offending someone? Containing a mistake? Sharing an opinion I might change down the line when I learn more or become better informed? The reasons are multitious. That’s not even a word. Multitudes. Of reasons.
Both of these bits of my brain are a result of being raised in a system which places emphasis on products and productivity over people. I am slowly working on unlearning and retraining the way in which I approach these things. For example, this blog is not for money. There’s a whole slew of articles on how to monetize your blog, but not very many on how to build your blog for the sake of it, or to practice writing for the sake of it. One of my main goals in returning to this format is to practice writing, and make myself share it, even if it isn’t perfect.
Anyway, it’s really easy to fall into this trap that you’re always supposed to be doing something. If you’re not constantly monetizing your life, upping your productivity, and in general pretending like you’re a machine that needs to be optimized and not a human with a whole slew of complicated experiences and emotions, then you’re doing it wrong (thanks capitalism). Nope. Let’s stop right there. Humans are deliciously complicated and there is no one answer for input –> output.
Let’s just, not. Like, take a moment, maybe take a nap. Read a book for fun. Make something just because you want to, or are curious about it. It can be terrible, or slightly mediocre, maybe even decent with practice. Learn something new for the sake of it. Look up the most terrible puns you can find and share them with your unsuspecting friends.
Give yourself the space to be messy, rely on your people, do things just for the sake of them. Life is so much more than productivity and perfection.
Things that help when I’m having a stress-y day or dealing anxiety brain:
Lay on the floor. No, really, just clear a spot and lay down, stare at the ceiling for a bit, maybe groan a little. Ideally in a spot of sun. It really helps. No phones on the floor, only you. Bonus points if you have a pet that comes over to investigate your behavior. Lay on the floor together.
Stretch. Even just a little. Do some hamstring stretches and a few cat-cow poses. Maybe even a little child’s pose. Wake up that lower back and stretch out that neck from all that screen time (we all know we’re all doing it). Pro-tip: do this on the floor and you don’t even have to get up from your floor laying session.
Movement: the afternoon walk is not the cure-all it was made out to be, but a little walk or bike ride goes a long way in making some dopamine in your brain. Aim to move your body just because it feels nice, and find one or two activities you enjoy (or at least tolerate). I love my dog, and he requires a decent walk at least once a day, which makes me go outside even when I don’t feel like it. It helps.
Use media as escapism. Read. Or watch a movie, or get engrossed in a TV series. This doesn’t include social media, you need some sort of narrative here. Find a neat series with some magic or sci-fi, or whatever you’re into – some good quality world-building as a distraction from the mess of society.
Shower. It’s like a reset button for your day. Short shower, long shower, hot shower, cold shower, whatever floats your boat. If you need a good cry, the shower is a great place for that: no one can tell if it’s water or tears on your face. Then put on some clean clothes.
Journal. Write that shit out. Get those thoughts of your head and onto the paper, then your brain doesn’t have to hold on to them. I find this especially helpful if my brain is in a stress loop. Put the stress loop on paper, get out of the loop in your thoughts.
Check the basics. Did you eat today? Drink some water? Take any medications you need? I get real hangry and tired when I don’t eat regularly throughout the day, but somehow it’s an easy thing to forget to do. Do a little basics check in if you’re feeling really low.
Embrace it. Sometimes the easiest way out is through. Trying to push through or ignore difficult emotions just doesn’t work. Give yourself time and space to process. Cry it out if you need to.
Talk to your friends. Humans are social creatures. You don’t even have to call them, but send a text (or two) to folks in your circle. People do care, and your friends love you, sometimes communication just needs a nudge. And if you’re one of the friends who’s let me cry on the phone to you, thank you. I appreciate you and am glad we’re part of each others’ lives.
Lastly, it’s perfectly normal to have off days, even bad days, especially during a long-ass pandemic. We’re in such a weird time (not unprecedented, can we please stop calling it that?), it’s socially isolating, and it can be incredibly exhausting to see folks acting as if the pandemic is over when it is not. Sometimes, a bad day is just that, and that’s ok. You don’t have to be productive, you can just rest and exist, and that’s enough as a human being.
If you’ve read this far and are at all concerned about me, please don’t be. I’m incredibly grateful to have access to a therapist, I have found coping mechanisms that (mostly) work, and a small but strong support system of friends and family to help each other through crappy days. Finally, wear your mask and get vaccinated/boosted if you can. If you do get sick, remember that getting covid is not a personal or moral failing, but a systemic one.
“To free yourself, to be more authentic, to be less addicted, to be less manipulated, to be less paranoid…for all these marvelous reasons, delete your accounts.” – Jaron Lanier
Is social media worth it? It’s rewiring our brains, tracking our online movements, bombarding us with advertising, affecting the news we receive, and creating further divides amongst people. I’ve definitely fallen prey to each and every one of these things: seeking out little dopamine hits through likes and follows, doom-scrolling the news (because irritation, sadness, and anxiety are easier emotions to access and longer lasting than joy and happiness, the system actually favors those posts since they get more engagement), and making a purchase after being chased all around the internet by an advertisement. There’ve been a select few folks I’ve unfriended or unfollowed for what sometimes feels like petty reasons (although sometimes not: I don’t get along well with hardcore conservatives [I lean hard left], but most moderate folks I can find common ground with. This is important, we need to be able to cross political divides to find community solutions to issues). Lastly, I don’t really get cancel culture. Instead of walking on eggshells and being afraid to misstep, people should be held accountable for their actions and encouraged to learn and grow (all of my accounts are small but I’ve witnessed this on other accounts, it’s as though the most asinine or vitriolic comment wins the engagement game).
I wouldn’t define myself as addicted to social media, but I’ve definitely gone through phases where it played a much larger role in my life than was necessary. I remember resisting joining Facebook in high school just because it was “the platform to be on,” but eventually caved after my school friends didn’t want to use the Gmail chat to message anymore. We still had dial-up internet at the time and it literally wouldn’t load. Facebook has been a part of my life for around 13 years (and I don’t want to calculate the amount of hours of those years that I’ve given to it).
I recently rewatched “The Social Dilemma,” which, although it’s a bit doom and gloom, does really make you think about your social media usage and the impact it has on your life. I’m working my way through reading “Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now,” by Jaron Lanier, which is a self explanatory title and an informative perspective from someone who works in the tech industry. It’s good to take all this media with a grain of salt; even though I don’t agree with everything presented in each of these, there is valuable information in them.
A few days ago, I deactived my Facebook account, again. There’s still the muscle memory of automatically typing the address in the search bar to seek that little dopamine hit. This is probably the third time I’ve deactivated it, and each time I’m surprised by simply how much more time I have to putt around and how little I actually miss checking it. Since Facebook and Instagram recently rebranded to Meta, and I’m not really interested in ultimately joining the Metaverse, it feels like as good of a reason as any to let them go.
So, about the Instagram account I’m using to track my outfits – I’m working on convincing myself. It’s easy to justify: there are some neat accounts doing similar no-buy projects, but I end up thinking about and spending brain time on what I’ll wear/photographing my outfit/getting those little dopamine hits from the red like and comment notifications. And then when one outfit gets more likes than another, despite telling myself it doesn’t bug me, I wonder why (my guess is it has to do with how many brands are tagged, which really just creates free advertising for them). It would be neat to see what my brain and life would feel like if I unplugged from the social media system. If I can replace the outfit tracking with a designated post in this blog, then there is still an easily accessible record of what I’ve been wearing without the numbers game associated.
Because sometimes my brain thinks in lists, here’s a quick pro/con list for getting rid of social media:
Pros:
Some organizations I support promote events via Facebook
Many community mutual aid groups post on Instagram as a main mode of communication
Both platforms can be a source of book recommendations
Interest specific groups (handmade clothing, minimalist shoes, etc.)
Outfit inspiration and connecting with people who are doing similar projects
Cons:
Stress level increases with use, or a feeling of lacking/emptiness
Time suck and lots of lost time
Not actively using them to connect with friends at this point
My FB feed is largely comprised of random videos and advertisement, very few friend posts
Instagram “Ranks” photos and outfits based on “engagement”
Here’s a list of things I enjoy doing that are not on social media in no particular order:
Reading for fun (both fiction and non-fiction)
Making things (fiber, clay, drawing, etc.)
Stretching, biking, walking my dog, or otherwise moving because it’s enjoyable
Social media is becoming less of a tool and more of a weird, conglomerative system in which people and their data are the product. I’m not anti-technology (the internet can be a weird and wonderful place), but I’m getting around to being anti-manipulated-and-turned-into-a-commodity-by-technology. In all likelihood, I’ll give it a go. I’m already set on getting rid of Facebook, and I’ll get around to convincing myself to say goodbye to Instagram as well. By working on this blog, I’m hoping to add my own little slice of writing to the internet, continue to find my writing voice, and do it in a format that doesn’t give too much free data to tech conglomerates.
Consumed: The Need for Collective Change: Colonialism, Climate Change, and Consumerism, by Aja Barber, was incredibly well written and informative. Definitely a resource I recommend if you’re interested in reading more about the cost of fashion (environmentally and socially).
The Year of Less, by Cait Flanders. The author goes on a 12 month no-buy and documents how it affects different aspects of her life.
The Art of Frugal Hedonism gives tips for living large on not much money, and creative ways to find fulfillment in life without spending. The authors are quite funny, too.
SOCIALS @stylemeslowly on Instagram. Marlee talks about finding closet contentment and has lots of helpful tips.
We’re going to start 2022 with some things that may seem slightly frivolous, but let’s be honest, it’s 2022 and we’re still in a pandemic (and all emotionally exhausted), and if the slightly frivolous things bring you (or me, since it’s my blog), some joy, then so be it.
First, I’m briefly going to talk about some body stuff. If talking about body changes/calling out diet culture isn’t your thing, skip the next paragraph.
To begin with, diet culture is crap. The long and short of it is we’re being sold an unattainable and constantly changing idea of who we should be and how we should look by an industry that is highly profitable because it preys on our insecurities, telling people they are not enough as they are. With that in mind, let’s also acknowledge that body fluctuations (weight change, especially) are totally normal and everyone experiences them, and they’re absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of. Over the course of this pandemic, due to a variety of factors, I’ve gained some weight, and that’s ok. Humans come in all shapes and sizes, and all bodies are good bodies.
I have been on a long journey of unlearning, unsubscribing, and retraining my brain to start getting to a point where I am comfortable in my body. I still have my not so great days, but more often than not, I can look at myself in the mirror and be content with this version of me (I even surprised myself the other day by having the thought, “what a good tummy.” What a nice unsolicited thought, thanks brain).
Part of that is figuring out what I actually like to wear, and how I want my clothes to feel. Over the past couple of years, things that feel right include more natural fibers (lots of linen and wool), more dresses/skirts, fun shapes/colors, and pockets. There’s a variety of reasons for these and a long, winding, yarn of a journey (pun intended) to get to where I’m at with how I feel about my body and clothes today. Because I have rehomed/gifted a lot of old things that no longer fit/felt right, I’ve figured 2022 is as good of a year as any to try to do a project with my closet.
So, the no-buy (or, perhaps more realistically, a low-buy) for 2022.
Goals: Spend less $ overall, spend less time “window shopping” online (Poshmark, Facebook groups, etc.).
General guidelines:
Rewearing clothing, sweaters, outerwear, jewelry, and shoes.
If something wears out, either repair it or specific items can be replaced (work shoes and tennis shoes)
I may need to purchase a swimsuit this year, but I don’t really consider this a clothing item
Can incorporate items from my mom’s closet (my sister and I are slowly downsizing her clothing after she passed in 2020, it’s an emotional process)
I can sew myself new garments, but take my time with the process
Unsubscribing from newsletters, even for the small companies.
Keep a list of items I want, and if they’re still strong wants months down the line, then plan ahead for a purchase. More often than not, I’ll forget or the want for an item will fade.
Basically, continuing to try to be a conscious consumer.
A general note/aside – I recognize the inherent amount of privilege in being able to focus on these things during a time which is incredibly difficult for so many folks. My whiteness, being cisgender, and straight-sized body (usually a size large) allow me a lot of privilege in how I approach my relationship with myself, my clothing (and finding clothing that fits my body with relative ease), how I’m perceived by others, and the societal pressures I experience. I try to keep these things in mind with my writing, and also encourage folks to check out sources of information from more marginalized groups (BIPOC, LGBT and disabled writers as well. Currently working on a resources page to include links to suggested works if you’d like further reading).
Anyway, to start the year off and wrap up the first post in 3 years, here’s a few of my favorite outfits from this month:
Babaa sweater (not a super size inclusive brand, but they are nice sweaters, and many secondhand options), Not Perfect Linen dress, green wool hat, and Duckfeet boots. Same sweater, another NPL dress, and leggings from NaykedFaith on Etsy (super comfy and a lovely waistband). Same sweater again (it’s cold, y’all) with the most dramatic French tuck, a charcoal blue NPL skirt, bag from TreeFairFax (secondhand via poshmark, but the maker is a black owned business and it’s a fun little bag), and shoes from Softstar shoes.
Thanks for reading, imaginary reader, and I look forward to going on this writing amble together.
A Personal Blog. 